Last Tuesday evening four out of six women participants in my “Clutter Clearing is Spiritual Business!” class confessed they got their yen for clutter from their mother. They didn’t really call it “a yen,” but I do.I had never really thought about it—inheriting the clutter bug from my mother. After all, I didn’t think I had “a clutter problem.” Not until I agreed to drive a truckload of my deceased mother’s stuff from Ft. Lauderdale to Northern Virginia, and put it in storage, did I have an inkling that something was amiss. I let her stuff sit in storage for nine years until the mounting storage fees caused my inkling to become a hit on the head.
My Mother, The Collector
My mother collected beautiful things like Lalique crystal, Dalton and Lladro porcelin figurines and sterling silver bowls, candelabra and flatware. In addition to that, piles of magazines lay hidden under her bed. Her clothes jammed her closet so tightly you could never shut the door. Her shoes amounted to 70 pairs.
Cookbooks lined two of the three counters in the kitchen. Pots, pans, everyday dinnerware, containers, and all the other things that make a kitchen utilitarian filled her kitchen to the max. The refrigerator was always crammed full, making it difficult to extricate anything from the back.
“Just in Case” Thinking
What motivated my mother to accumulate her stuff was that “Just in Case” thinking. Passed down from her parents, this thinking rooted itself in the fear of not having enough. My parents were teenagers when the Great Depression of 1929 occurred. At such a formative age they couldn’t help but be caught up in the financial panic that swept the country. From that moment on, they “knew” they couldn’t count on their security, so they had better save everything that came their way.
I suspect the fear of not having enough was planted much earlier by my parents’ parents and their parents before them. It was nurtured and embraced throughout the generations, so when the Great Depression hit, their fear became a reality.
How often do we use those “just in case” items we keep? Most of us don’t have room to keep them, so we stuff them where we can—in garages or carports, attics and basements, or under beds. We forget about them, and if, once in a blue moon, we do need them, we can’t remember where we put them. So we lose valuable time looking for them.
The Younger Generation Mirrors the Older
When it comes to clutter, I am my mother’s daughter. My behavior mirrors hers! Here’s an example. My mother’s living and dining rooms were fine—really. Maybe she had an extra plant or two, but no one would enter her home, point a finger at her and yell “Clutterer!” Her clutter was hidden from those outside the family.
Fast forward into my time zone. If you stepped inside my home, it’s not likely you would point your finger at me either and yell “Clutterer!” My clutter is in my closets, cupboards and cabinets. Isn’t that interesting! That is just how my mother stored hers.
It wasn’t until I pulled my mother’s stuff out of storage and began dealing with it that I discovered I had clutter, too. Peek into my linen closet where you’ll find soaps and creams from hotels I stayed in. You’ll spy the ace bandage I used when I broke my wrist in 1996, makeup that friends gave me because they didn’t want it, and supplements I started taking and decided to put aside. All this and more are clutter.
Now Is the Time!
It’s been 19 years since she died, and 11 years since I started addressing my own clutter issues. I am now in a pivotal position to stop the cycle. I’ve become aware. I can make a conscious decision to let go of my fear of not having enough. This is first a choice, then a discipline that becomes a habit.
It’s time for me shift my thinking from “Just in Case” to “Now is the Time!”–-the first step to transforming my fear. The second step is handling the emotions that come up when dealing with my clutter. I invite you to spend a few moments reflecting on whether your yen for clutter was inherited from one or both of your parents. While you do, note what emotions come up.
In my next blog I’ll discuss more about this second step of handling our emotions while clearing our clutter.
